We  here at Word House (the high tech, luxurious, yet fictitious, London
offices where we make the mag) have decided to launch a new section:-

To  qualify for "I'm A Twat!" you have to have e-mailed/written/phoned a
famous  person  or  large  company, and generally annoyed them or wasted
their time in some way.  If you wrote or sent an email, you have to have
got some sort of response.

Points will be awarded for funniness, originality, annoyance factor, and
famousness  of the person annoyed.  Bonus points are awarded for getting
you work in print in either magazines, or on Teletext :)

Send  your  entries  to  the  usual  word article addresses, or to me at
abolt5@hotmail.com.

Okay, here are a few examples of mine to get you going...

To: Dan Slingsby
From: Andrew David Bolt

Dear PC Format,

I am writing to you via my new email.

I  currently  own  a  Commodore 386 at 25Mhz.  It is a good computer but
sometimes can slow down a little.

What is my best upgrade path?  Can I get a Pentium pro chip?  I've heard
they are fast.  I have one of those big CPU sockets on my mother board.

If so do you know where I could get one for under stlg100?  As I am on a
very limited budget.

Due  to  the low price of RAM these days I am also considering upgrading
to  4  Megs.  Will I be able to run Windows NT, or should I make do with
Version 95?

Thanking you in advance,

Andrew Bolt.
--------------------------------------
From: Dan Slingsby
<dslingsby@futurenet.co.uk>
Subject: Re: Technical Help Pages
To: Andrew David Bolt <A.Bolt@plymouth.ac.uk>
Reply to: RE>Technical Help Pages

Hahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

 Here's  a  rough  transcript  of  the  conversation between me, and the
freefone Tesco helpline...

Her: Hello! Tesco Clubcard Helpline. How can I help you?

Me:   Yeah,  Hi,  I've  got 400 points on my Sainsbury's Reward card.  I
just wondered if you could exchange them for Tesco Club points.

Her: [giggles] No, sorry, we can't do that.

Me:   I'd  be  willing  to  trade 2 of my Sainsbury's points for 1 Tesco
point.

Her: Sorry...[more giggles]

Me:  [slightly annoyed sounding] So there's no way you can do that then?

Her: No, sorry... Goodbye.

Me: Okay, bye then.


end